“You’re ten weeks pregnant.”
Those words escaped through the Doctor’s mouth and leapt at you.
You decided to go visit Josh after you left the office that muggy afternoon. You just wanted to be with him. You were fond of him like that, Your God-given, amazing fiancé.
You got to his house in the proximity of five thirty. He was glad to see you. You both chattered for straight two hours, about nothing and about everything. The talk wandered from one thing to another like Cain.
You were sitting on the bed, he was on the chair by the reading table but before you knew it, he was beside you on the bed.
“There is something in this eyes of yours that completely enchants me,” he said stroking your brows. “an exhilarating pleasure I have in just savoring your beauty. You distract me in ways that make me better focused and enshrouded me a deep desire for you.”
You swooned. “Stop it jor, naughty boy .” You said, pushing his chest in a way that could only mean ‘ride on jor, I’m loving it boy’ and he winked in a way that made you know he wasn’t fooled by the words of your lips, that he heard what your heart said.
“I just want to have you all to myself, I can’t wait My Queen.” He said wrapping his arms around himself.
“I can’t wait too, my crown.” You cooed.
He reached for your hand, you let him take it and he rubbed your back with his other hand. His Adam’s apple kept bobbing as he swallowed and lust was stirring in you too.
His wall clock bonged nine, you were surprised. Where did all the time go? You remembered your principle, that you don’t stay out later that seven PM, but then you were enjoying how he squeezed your hands, how he kneaded your shoulder muscles, how he nuzzled your neck though the bristles on his chin prickled your soft skin. You were enjoying how the sweet words he whispered into your ears sent chills down your spine. So you stayed.
flee! The holy spirit kept saying to you, but your flesh wanted just a little more.
You let your head fall on his chest, he caressed your face and twirled your hair. Oh it was super soothing. You could hear the pounding of his heart, just like yours was pounding too.
You closed your eyes as he climbed you astride.
You knew you shouldn’t be doing that, but somehow you were sure you couldn’t have sex with him, that when it was getting out of hand you’d hold back.
Time proved you wrong! Things happened really fast. Before you could say ‘Jack Sparrow’ the dice was already cast!
When you left his room that night, you were trembling all over, hot tears cascading down your face.
You had sinned, you had just fornicated!
You had lost your highly cherished virginity, what you had vowed to keep till the night of your wedding.
You cried all through the night, begging God for forgiveness. You had obviously disappointed him.
After the incidence, you started avoiding Josh, you were ashamed of yourself. How could you, the Sunday school superintendent fall into immorality with the Bible study coordinator?
You two should’ve known better than be ignorant of the Devil’s devices.
Josh finally broke the silence with a visit. You both prayed to God for forgiveness and made solemn promises before him.
You thought that was the end, but when you missed your next period, you were afraid it was only the beginning.
It could be as a result of hormonal imbalance. You tried to console yourself, but your mind wouldn’t be patronized.
The queasiness that woke you every morning and the nausea you stifled whenever people were around, came along.
When you missed your period again, you knew the dreaded was most likely the unavoidable reality.
Ten weeks pregnant! The doctors words echoed in your mind, your cold hands shook violently causing the paper they were holding to fall.
You picked it up, the proof of your doom- your pregnancy test result. Your eyes filled up as you stuffed the paper into your bag.
You can only tuck away the pregnancy test result, you can’t run away from the truth! A voice in your head taunted.
How painfully true it was. All along you knew in the recess of your mind that you were pregnant, but you evaded the thought everytime. You had been running from the truth for the past ten weeks and you’ve finally reached the end of your rat-race. You now had to face the fact!
You snatched up your bag and hurried out of the hospital, teary.
You wept bitterly all day at home. The more you cried, the more you discovered you had to stop crying, You knew your tears wouldn’t help at all but crying was the best thing you could seem do at that point.
You had two impossible options to pick from, you couldn’t afford to pick anyone of them but simultaneously and paradoxically you had no choice but to pick one of them.
You either keep the unwanted baby- and bear the shame, stigma and trauma- or terminate the pregnancy!
How could You terminate a pregnancy? How could you murder someone?
Its not yet somebody, just some ambitious mass of cells! A voice in your mind argued, but deep down You knew the truth.
There was a third option; but it wasn’t yours to make. You could miscarry. You could beg God to let you miscarry.
Shame came with that idea, how could You tell God to kill someone for your sake?
You didn’t want to take a regrettable decision, so you decided to tell someone about it.
But who could you tell?
He would only be distablised and won’t know what to do.
You eventually decided to tell Mary, your best friend and confidant. She had always been there for You.
“Mary, I’m pregnant.” You disclosed shamefacedly.
“What?!” she blinked.
You anticipated it, you expected her to be surprised and disappointed; who wouldn’t be?
“I.. Is this su..ppose to be a joke or something?” She stuttered, sitting up. You shook your head.
“Who is responsible?” She asked, eyes narrowed.
“Josh.” You managed.
She sighed, “Have you told him about it?” You shook your bent head.
There was a brief silence before she said, “You should tell him, so that you guys can decide on it.”
You raised your head slowly, you hadn’t looked into her eyes since the conversation begun, shame wouldn’t let you, but when you heard her say You should tell him, so that you guys can decide on it, you had no choice but to look her in the face.
You expected to see a look of disappointment, of shock but you were stunned to meet her indifferent look. Behind that indifference was a vague alloy of emotions You couldn’t understand, but You knew something wasn’t right.
“I pray God helps you guys.” She said, slinging her mono-strap bag across her shoulders as she got up to leave.
You were torn into pieces!
How could Mary do that to you?
She sounded so- so alien. Like You were nothing but a stranger to her. She reminded You that your problem was yours to bear, that You shouldn’t bug her with it.
You should tell him, so that you guys can decide on it The words rang in your mind, as emotionless as she spewed them!
You dropped and wept.
When you got home you tried to rationalize; maybe you were being overly sensitive because of your condition. Maybe she was too stunned to speak, maybe she couldn’t think at the moment, maybe she would talk about it later.
But it didn’t happen, she didn’t speak about it the next time you saw, nor the next or the next.
You guys discussed everything but the foetus growing in you. You were waiting for her to raise it but she didn’t, even when you did, she waved it off.
You could feel a rift growing between you two, your relationship wasn’t like before, and before long it was starving to death.
You were crushed!
If Mary, your very best friend could treat you this way, what would the rest of the world do?
You had to put an end to it, all of it.
Your life must continue normally, and if that must happen, you had to end the life growing in you!
You mind was made up, you were aborting the pregnancy!